I am only posting this so you can see the spirit, understand the narrow place that we choose to keep ourselves in, in order to follow the Father, and how agonizing it can be, just like Job lashed out finally in his stupidness, so here I was a fool...but yet, I was impressed 4x to go inside and to vent it out on camera........and why would God have me do that? unless HE wanted you to see and learn from it? So, despite my image that I would like to keep, as someone who has it all together, I think it would do more good for you to see it, and, even though it sucks, to choose it, in order to be faithful to Him. 

The Father tells us...

Jas 5:7  Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. 

Jas 5:8  Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. 

Jas 5:9  Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. 

Jas 5:10  Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. 

Jas 5:11  Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy. 

And how long did abraham have to wait for his promise? and did he not also have to walk away from all his house and kindred and land and people? in order to wait upon the Lord for what must have been an unbearable amount of time? Don't you understand that that is why sarah finally gave her maid for him to sleep with? Would you allow your husband to sleep with someone else? Can you understand the faith that it takes? and the struggles and sacrifice we make? while the rest of the world do not struggle, but run fully in their own way, like un-circumcized heathen, and have no appearance in them of facing these hard things. But we know that the promise only came to them who believed, to them who did come out, and although we have hebrews 11, dubbed the faith chapter, of all the examples, like ruth, who left all to join herself to become and Israelite unto the Father! in whom the Father blessed her as a daughter of God, and the book of remembrance was written about her, to teach all women! if they can hear Him?! lose it all, and the Father gave her a kinsmen redeemer! just imagine! why is that not the desire of the women I hear? It will be, when I find my ruth! when I find my hannah! when I find my wife promised of by the Lord. 

But in the meantime, imagine what noah went through building the ark....the same that we must do even as your neighbors and friends, and coworkers, and religious people do not understand nor comprehend, nor will live in faith and separation believing what must be, and keeping themselves pure, undefiled, clean, and separate, believing in His son, and not forgetting, but actually keeping the new covenant, which is God's law being written into our heart!!! not tossing the law out!!! like a lawless professing only rebel!!! but actually becoming the set apart bride, His firstfruits that HE came back into the garden to harvest! a bride adorned in white, who hath prepared herself in her ark to ride out the storm that is coming upon the whole earth. 

I build in faith in each day, believing. I believe God for His promise. But, I am also unable to create, make, find, that woman who will become my wife...just like abraham could not make the promise child by sleeping with hagar. But, it will be, when it will be, and there is nothing I can do about it, just like there is nothing abraham could do about it. Yet, he believed. Yet, Job endured. Yet, noah built. So too, we...must...always with a grateful heart, in all conditions, hard and wide...  

I have made peace with God now, and I have offered my sin in my foolishness, and I am in a better place now. I told Him, "If you were just testing me last week, I failed; but, at least at the end of my spoiled brat tantrum, I did say, that no matter what, promise fulfilled, or no, I would not turn back...so, maybe I passed, barely.". 

Be it unto you according to your faith...