Written Script:

"Hello, and welcome to Channel News-- a channel where we bring you the news. We have with us today our expert correspondent, Jeanette. Jeanette have you heard any news today?"

"Good afternoon. Yes, today I heard the CDC updated their data to reflect that only 6% of reported deaths were actually due to covid. That would bring the total death toll down from 179,000 to about 10,000. This can only validate what censored doctors around the world have been trying to tell us all along-- that the numbers are less than the average flu season, and we will all be okay."

"Wow, that's great! That means we can all relax and go back to work now. And schools can reopen. And we can go visit each other for the holidays!"

"What are you crazy? We can't relax yet. No, businesses need to remain closed, the people need to stay unemployed, and no one should be traveling at a time like this. We might still have a pandemic on our hands."

"Well, I mean, logically speaking it just--"

"Oh my God... are you trying to get us all killed??"

*confused*

"Look, I don't know who raised you to believe in fairy tales, but logic is a myth. Its logic that got us into this mess to begin with. Do you want to be a part of the problem, or the solution?"

"Well, the solution, but--"

"Then please! Throw your common sense out the window, and help bring us together by staying apart!"