Do I speak to you plainly? 

Do I tell you what I would do?

Do I give you the scriptures that you need to read that would tell you your answer? if you choose to see it?

Do you want me to tell you the truth? even if it might offend you?

Or do you want me to be nice? show compassion? be sympathetic? 

This is why I dwell in a place alone, because no one so far has had the faith, or will do what it takes, to be my wife, my friend, my companion, my anything in the Lord.

But if I tell you what I would do, won't you hate me? 

Deu 32:9  For the Lord's portion is His people; Jacob is the lot of His inheritance. 
Deu 32:10  HE found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; HE led him about, HE instructed him, HE kept him as the apple of his eye. 

We are not supposed to be in the waste howling wilderness, even though that is where HE finds us. 

But HE will rescue us up out of this place, saving us from ourselves, saving us from bondage that is our life.

When we are in the one place, we think that the things we bore were our cross. 

But God is beckoning us from the one place into something we have never known before...a whole new spiritual reality....like walking through an invisible door...

...a metaphor of what its like when the decision is finally made in our heart...

and at that point, what are costs that we count? we just do it.

The people who don't have a physical ark, they will most likely die.

The people who don't have the spiritual ark, because they were afraid to lose their life for His sake...they are already dead.

The christ beckons us to come...

he tells us the costs...

he tells us...consider...

he tells us...if you seek to save your life...you have lost it already...

When the people make excuses, he says, "let the dead bury the dead.". 

This is no joking matter. 

Once upon a time, I was in your shoes...not the same physical circumstances, but in the same place in my spirit, with the same decisions facing me down...

And I opened that book, and I heard the words being spoken to me...

and I couldn't pretend I wasn't hearing them...

I couldn't just go read over here other scriptures that made me feel better...

It was my time, and the Lord was proving me...

What was I going to do? 

I remember toiling about it so...

each day it grew deeper...

I didn't want to eat anymore...

I prayed...God wouldn't say anything to me anymore...HE went quiet.

I tried to read in other places, but the word became dead.

It was...face the words that HE spoke to do what I must do...or???

There really was no...or...

My heart was sick...

My spirit was faint thinking about it...

I couldn't block it out...

I tried going a jog when it was almost unbearable one day...

I ran and ran and ran, and when I returned, I did not want to go back into the house and face it...

so I ran out into the middle of the field, and I finally fell on my face, literally in tears at this point...

saying..."what do You want from me? I already gave You my life."!

I gathered myself together and went back inside...I could not eat.

I would hardly come out of my room.

My family had no idea what was happening to me...no one understood.

How could you explain it to them? 

they are earthly, of the earth...

but now the spirit of Him who is greater is in me, and HE is calling me forth of them to come out to Himself...

and I had to leave them all behind.

...just like abraham did..

I toiled and toiled and toiled...I didn't even want to lay in a bed...I just laid on the floor...

God shut His word...

HE would not answer a prayer...

everything faced me down...

I had no one to help me...

no one to offer me counsel...

no example...

just the thought, that...if I do...I'm so scared...and if I don't, HE is going to leave me and go away...which is worse to me now than death...

There is a different cross that we must bear, and it only exists on the other side of that decision, that the earthly know nothing about...

The cross that they think that they bear, is really the bondage of egypt which they know quiet well...

though...without crossing to the other side, they can't yet discern it. It only becomes apparent once the decision is made, and the Father has lead them out, and after the initial very hard things we had to face, HE brings us to a place of still waters...as it where, a place of temporary peace and rest, until the cloud by day and pillar of fire by night, decides to get up and move again...in which, we must follow...and, once we have made the choice, at that point, there really is no going back, so we just move forward, not really understanding anything about this new thing, only, for the first time ever, perceiving that no one else understands it, or is walking in it, so we had just better keep our mouths shut, cling to Him, pray without ceasing, and be as obedient as we can be, and follow.