How to get someone to like you in 60 seconds or less

Presented by The Social Intelligence Report: Illuminating Social Intelligence in the Mind.

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Video transcript:
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How to get someone to like you in 60 seconds or less. Before I answer that, I need to clarify a few things.

First, is it a forced or an unforced interaction. A forced interaction is where the person you're talking to has no choice in the matter. A cashier at the post office, etc. Realistically, you would have at least a couple of minutes if you're making them super uncomfortable before security would be called. The other type is an unforced interaction where that person has no obligation whatsoever to speak to you and they can walk away at any moment.

Second, your appearance. In a forced interaction, appearance doesn't matter so much, unless you look and smell like the streets of downtown San Francisco. Then it will be a big issue. In an unforced interaction however, it does matter a lot. You can't be too far outside what's considered normal for that environment.

Third, what's your deal? Are you a threat? We has human beings make mental shortcuts based on the appearance of the person, etc. Is this person going to harm me in some way? If you're a physically imposing person talking to a physically smaller person, that's going to do it. If you're trying to talk to someone late at night in a darkened alley way, that's also going to do it. If you walk into a bank wearing a motorcycle helmet, carrying a duffle bag, that's also going to trigger a negative response.

So how to get someone to like you? One way is humor. And it's easy to generate humorous comments by just paying attention to what stands out, what would be out of place here, what can be exaggerated? It can be the most obvious thing you can think of, but bear in mind if the person's heard it enough times before, it's no longer going to be funny.

Some examples, at the post office, you could ask for a money order, they say how much, you're like, 'ahh, let's go for a million.' At a hardware store, 'excuse me, where's the frozen food section?' At Macy's, 'where do you keep the mini horses?'

It goes without saying, but I assume if you went into the post office, you actually had some reason to be there, or the hardware store, or Macy's, etc.

There's a lot more to humor than what I've just explained and we'll be making more audios about it.

Two other ways which I'll just comment on very briefly are compliments and validation. Both are extremely powerful and just as complicated as humor. You can compliment a person on pretty much anything, but it needs to be appropriate for the situation and interaction, and also believable by the person.

Charles Manson follower, Patricia Krenwinkel, in an interview once said that Charlie made her feel beautiful, and no one else in her life had ever validated her like that before.

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