…. this video, showcasing real professional talent and all, means I’d like to make an announcement to the world… I think I’m going to become a singer, and a star.  That’s right, now that I can recognize what true talent really is and what it actually takes to be a star… I can honestly say, I got all that.  

Don’t worry though, I won’t let all the loose women and drugs go to my head… at least not the one on my shoulders anyway.  
What?  Look, good humor by definition, has to be rooted in the truth, so that’s a bonafide joke right there… and it’s even more so, if I put an emphasis on the first syllable, in the word “bonafide”.

Clever and witty?  Sure, how could that not be?   Any astute connoisseur of humor will also recognize the underlying subtle hints of sophistication, and class. And by that I mean no lewd verbiage was utilized, such as boner, dick, or pecker head.  I do try for you people, I hope you know that.  And I know you do, because I just told you. Did you forget already?  

Comments are welcomed but please, refrain from using words like, sophomoric, juvenile, immature, and for God’s sake, don’t mention El Segundo, they have enough problems. Besides, those people are probably my best audience… just behind myself, and pirates.  I go over big with pirates I’m pretty sure, for whatever reason.  Sailors’s too I think, even though I haven’t used one cuss word here today, not in this particular message anyway.  Did I mention how I do try, for you people? I’m telling ya.  It ain’t easy being me.  Not real easy, anyway.  Ok ok, it’s so easy being me, I don’t even have to try.  I’m a natural. 
Anyhow, I gotta go.  I’ve got people to see, and places to go, and most importantly, I’ve got poop, to scoop. 
So, who’s the real realist now, huh?
Genuine. There’s a fine characteristic to have.
 What about being “a character”?  Well, what about being, yo momma?   So no, I’m hardly “a character”.   
You’re a good audience, ladies and gentlemen,  Thank you.  Thank you very much.  Good night.  And God bless.