I'm panicking. Hearing you talk about the man in his 40s watching television with his mother has hit at something pretty deep inside me. I'm 30 and i'm just really realizing that i could be late for a lot of things - I've only ever had one girlfriend, i don't have any friends or any kind of support group that i can be close to or confide in, i'm earning just below £20k a year, and i'm in a position where i'm not convinced that i have any marketable skills to offer. I graduated from a top university 7 years ago with a poor grade, and that took me 5 years to do, and the first job i took after university was a waitering position. After three years, I moved onto my current position, an abysmal admin role. I find myself saying a lot of really demoralizing things that my parents said to themselves: "I'm too old for this", "It's too late for me to start this activity or learn this skill", "I'm alone." I've always thought of my father as being all talk and wildly overestimating his abilities - and after last night's livestream, I've suddenly realized that I might well be deeply mired in the same behaviour, and i'm astonished and extremely worried how subtly I've managed to live this way, and how much in plain sight it has always been all this time. I woke up this morning with a deeply depressed, sinking feeling that finally culminated in what seems to be a panic attack. I may have really ruined my life. I think there's a creeping and crippling nihilism that's overwhelming me; i'm fast losing hope. I'm panicking about getting to the point where i can't change course and all my demoralizing thoughts are set in stone, and i end up living the lives of my parents - if not worse, seeing how i believe i'm more capable than they were and with access to greater opportunities than they had. Is it too late to be incredibly ambitious? Is it too late to even get started?
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