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Question: “I hear you talk about the importance of committed marriage and how important it is for the healthy development of children, and I have also deeply valued this, remaining in a very difficult marriage in hopes of providing the best possible outcome for the children. However, I have also heard you speak to irreparable damage that can be done in a relationship and wonder if my marriage has reached that point. My husband has an ACE score of 8 and mine is a 1. In our marriage there have been many challenging issues, most of which I think relate to deeply entrenched unhealthy relational habits that began in childhood for him, as a result of the abuses and traumas he experienced. I also believe this unhealed trauma in his life has been at the root of a pornography addiction that started at a young age for him and, despite counseling and recovery programs, continues still. Is it possible that it could actually be better (or neutral) for the children for us to separate or divorce if I am finding that I cannot see a way forward for him to repair the damage he has caused in our marriage for over two decades?”

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